I don’t know about any of you but there is a part of me deep down within that has always felt that I am special, more so than other human beings. This part of me is hanging-on with baited breath for the big payout in life it knows is coming. Whether it’s winning the MEGA lottery and becoming a billionaire or by inventing something, (I have no idea what it is), that changes the world and everyone looks up to me as the savior of the planet.
Child fantasizing …
This child fantasizing part of me is my over-inflated EGO. It feels super-important, is super-ambitious, is super-arrogant and super self-centred. And it’s part of me. It’s always there in the background of my consciousness and sometimes in the foreground ruling the show. As I have grown over the years I have learned to ignore, in most parts, this childish yearning to be the centre of the universe and have the world land at my feet. I guess I must have just loved being a baby, the centre of attention and still chase that elusive sense of being No1 in life.
Ego cannot be satisfied ...
My EGO has caused me more trouble than all the misfortunes in the world. It has pained me more that any other human has. Allowing my EGO to rule my desires and decision making has brought me nothing but misfortune, frustration and despair – every time. As far as my EGO is concerned there is not enough of anything in life that can satisfy it’s endless thirst for more. For example I remember working as a telesales rep selling advertising space in little diaries. Because I was hitting the sales target regularly I felt like I was Bill Gates and my EGO wanted to live out this sense of the ‘Big I Am’. I was earning an average telesales wage at the time and barely making enough to meet all my bills.
My EGO Bought A Car
One day I walked past a car sales garage and I saw a bright racing green (used) BMW 325i for sale. It was beautiful and suited my EGO down to the ground, I could picture the prestige I was sure to get when people saw me driving this car. I wanted it. It was £5000.00 and I didn’t have £500.00 let alone 5k. So I rang a finance company and asked to borrow the money. The astute finance company looked at my earnings and said I could afford it so they refused the loan. Now, at this stage, a normal person with a regular sized EGO might say to themselves “heck I can’t afford it” and then let go of buying the car, or save up until they could afford it.
Unfortunately when you suffer with an oversized EGO that sort of thinking and action does not exist. I did what any self respecting EGOIST would do and phoned more finance companies gradually ending up with the less respectable and overcharging ones till I eventually found one that said yes. It had taken most of the afternoon, ringing around and getting no after no, but I was in telesales and was determined to find some company that would lend me the cash that I could not afford, to buy the car I could not afford to run. But I did it! I had bought my EGO the car it wanted. Now I would be somebody, surely!
Two months later I was in debt and unable to sleep at night due to the financial stress I had placed myself under. Luckily I found someone that would buy the car and pay off the finance for me.
The above example is just one of many, many times I have allowed my EGO to drag me into the gates of hell in pursuit of personal glory and power – glory and power that is simply not due to me. Have you ever been in a shop queue and got angry at the people in front of you because they are taking too long or messing about. I have. The irritation comes from a sense of my own importance. My large EGO whispers to me … I’M more important than those before me. I have important things to do, I queue properly, and I don’t waste time at shop counters, others should be like ME.
When left unchecked this overinflated sense of self trashes what joy I have and creates a sense of dissatisfaction with my lot in life, blocking me from achieving any happiness in the moment. With my EGO it’s always a case of “when I get there” or “when I get this” I can be happy. EGO is constantly in search of universal recognition and self-glory and cannot be satisfied. If I let it rule my life I will end up in poverty materially, emotionally and spiritually.
Underneath this inflated self image is the empty bottomless void of low self esteem that fuels the EGO to burn even brighter still, regardless of consequence.
My Peace of Mind & Ease Over EGO Mania
Today I acknowledge this EGO is a part of me, it gets quieter but does not go away. I have learned through the pain of misfortune I feel when I act on my EGO, to make a conscious decision to always think of the spiritual principle in any given situation. So when I feel myself starting to get annoyed in the supermarket queue I remember the starving people in Africa, the people that live in third world countries and don’t have access to the abundance of food available to me in a mega store and so. This challenging the EGO’s stance helps to quieten the emotional churning within it creates. Today I recognise my EGO wants to drive a Ferrari, however today I buy a car I can afford and one that is not going to steal any peace of mind from me from overarching financially. I ask myself three questions:
Do I need it?
Can I afford it?
Will it add or detract from my peace of mind?
Making decisions based on what will add to my peace of mind and personal security instead of what my EGO demands allows me to live a life with a lot more contentment and ease. The only loss, when I act on spiritual values and principles, is to my self-aggrandisement and bloated pride. Both these need to be reduced if I am to acquire any joy, happiness and freedom in life.