Being a human being in today’s society is tough going. Trying to find stability, both material and emotional, seems to be a never ending series of crests and falls on the sea of life. It’s like we have an unceasing yearning to find a static place of peace and security, some place we can rest and feel safe and secure. Unfortunately, for people like us, who have this deep and strong urge to find security in an unsecure world we can tend to waste what happiness and peace we have.
We do this by over exerting ourselves in trying to create security and happiness through the management of other people and circumstances. We are convinced that at some point when we can finally get all the dots to connect, all the people in our lives to do as we wish – then we will be happy. So we chase, fix, shape and try to solve anything that appears to block our security from happening. There is a term for this and it’s called Codependency. Melody Beattie wrote a book called Codependency No More which largely focuses on human relationships.
Dependency On People, Places & Things
For people with a hole in the soul this type codependency infects all areas of life not just human relationships. We suffer under the belief that ‘if we could just manage well’ or ‘if only things would go as I wished’ everything would be okay. We end up wasting what life we have in trying to reach this mirage of nirvana where we can eventually relax and start to enjoy living. Until we get there, we hunker down and watch and wait from the sidelines of life. Unfortunately, as with all mirages, it does not exist.
Life is a series of ups and downs, ebbs and flows, calm and calamity all packed into 70-90 years, if we are lucky. At some point, if we are going to get any satisfaction and contentment out of living, we have to come to terms with life AS IT IS otherwise we will waste our years hiding away until that magic-moment, we yearn for, happens. It will never come. The old saying ‘you cannot accept heaven until you accept hell’ rings true. One minute you’re winning then the next you’re losing, and sometimes it feels like your just treading water. These are all natural experiences of a human being on this planet. Like the seasons that change and bring their own unique weather conditions so do the living human years.
Dealing With The Insecurity Of Life
So, how do we not only accept a reality we are trying to escape from, but live in it with a degree of happiness, contentment and peace? I’m not talking about staying in an unhealthy relationship or intolerable job. I mean our reality as a whole, our lives as a whole. Ultimately accepting being who we are, how we are and where we are right now. How do we get that level of acceptance and freedom? All human beings are trying to attain a level of security in finance, romance and dwelling. But as we can see from the world all these things are fluid. Relationships come and go, people get sick and die. Jobs can be lost based on the financial global market and investments can go sour. Homes can be lost due to debt or events out of our control.
Trying to attain the security we all seek from an insecure world is where we fall short. Time after time we are let down as circumstances change. First we attain the house, the relationship and the finance and for a brief moment we feel secure. Then, as it always does, change happens, set backs come and the security we thought we had finally found falls through our hands like sand through a sieve. What usually happens next? Most of us dust ourselves off and set on a new (but same) course to acquire security again through a new partner, new job or new home convinced that this time it will all work out. This is a form of insanity – repeating the same actions and expecting different results. It’s where we try to gain our security from – that’s the issue, not the desire for it. The desire for it is built in like the desire to breathe. It’s part of being a human being. Our problem is where we have tried to source the security we seek.
Sometimes We Need To Go Deeper
Like driving a car, most people don’t care which wires go to where, or what the battery powers or what the pistons look like. We just want it to start and drive so we can get on with our journey. And, when the car is new, most people don’t have to worry about anything under the bonnet, it’s new so everything works brilliant. The problem comes after time and use. Every now and again we need to check or replace the oil, the bakes, the battery and so on to keep the car on the road and in good condition. The same is true of humans. We generally don’t want to look under the bonnet of ourselves as it seems too complicated. We just want to live and enjoy life. At first when we are new and young everything goes well, but later in life we can start experiencing problems like depression, dissatisfaction and loss of purpose. This is the time we need to go deeper and give ourselves an overhaul.
Get Unlimited Security From The Right Place
Putting your security in the eternal creates a sense of security that overrides the temporariness of the material existence with all it’s ebbs and flows, ups and downs. Sounds like some religious, supernatural or out-there solution doesn’t it. Imagine sitting in your local coffee shop and saying to someone who is insecure about life that they need to seek their security in the eternal. I can just see their faces looking at you like you’re some kind of nutter. Or saying it to the guy who has to pay his taxes with money he has not got and is going through a divorce that true happiness lies in connecting with a higher power. Most people don’t even know there is an eternal let alone believe in one.
To most of us the eternal or a higher power sounds like a lot of mambo jumbo made up by mankind in old times to control the masses . Hence the massive sense of gloom a lot of people live in today. We are confining ourselves to eating the crumbs off the floor when there is a full-on banquet on offer at the table of life. Like a flower struggling to survive that refuses to open it’s petals because it does not believe in the sun. If it opened it’s petals it would allow the sunlight to infuse it with a power that, in itself, it does not possess. It’s refusal to open it’s petals denies the much needed extra power available to it. We are the same with the eternal. Our denial of its existence blocks us from receiving it’s much needed extra POWER. Power, like electricity, aids our ability to live well. When our security comes from the eternal, the world, and it’s ups and downs, no longer have the power to crush us, it may affect us… yes of course, but not squash our spirits or sense of okayness.