One of the biggest blocks to experiencing personal freedom and inner peace is one that cannot be solved by another human being. It can only be solved by the individual that has this block. Other people can offer love, advice and insight but it will make not the slightest jot of difference. Self-Hate is something the individual applies to themselves and no other being can break this self-destructive trait, apart from the person themselves. Self-hate acts as a solid steel wall that is impenetrable and separates the person suffering with this malady from joy, happiness and freedom. It keeps the person continuously locked away in a dark cave of self-loathing that if filled with disappointment, failure and despair.
When an individual hates themselves the universe cannot help as it is an act of SELF-WILL, albeit a perverse and generally unconscious act, but nonetheless it is something the individual does to themselves. Because of this only the person themselves can break this absolute binding of the self to personal misery.
Early On-Set Of Self Loathing
Self-hate usually starts early on in life in childhood. It’s developed when the child, through external parenting and circumstance, starts to blame themselves for not being enough in some way shape or form. It can develop from unrealistic attitudes/expectations the child develops towards themselves, and others, or by associating a lack-of love, attention or harmony and/or parental abandonment as their fault. In doing this the child focuses it’s anger and hurt on itself, splitting their own personality into two; the hater and the hated. Once this state gets rooted in a person’s psyche it grows in the dark and follows the child into adulthood strengthening its roots in the unconscious so the person, now an adult, genuinely does not realise that they hate themselves.
An adult who suffers from a strong sense of personal hate and dislike usually displays traits of self-sabotage in all areas of life, and although they might be greatly skilled, there always comes a time when they bring the house crashing down around their feet. They cannot understand why life treats them so harshly and they feel like they have been cursed by something other than themselves. They cannot accept love, compliments or success. They are always teetering around the edge of failure. Self-hate blocks the sunlight of the spirit from entering and barrs all personal freedom, success and joy.
So How Does One Remove Self Hate?
The only way self-hate can be removed is by firstly bringing into the light and acknowledging its existence in the first place, while it acts in the dark it cannot be tackled. We must become aware of the hate we have for ourselves. This can be done by watching ourselves for a few days, how we talk to ourselves, how we accept compliments or acknowledge our achievements in the day and even how we foresee our future. For example have you ever kicked your toe on the table and then cursed yourself while you’re in pain or when you make a mistake do you berate yourself with angry words and put downs? If the answer is yes then there is possibly some self hate inside that has been given an opportunity to rise to the surface. If a child falls and cuts it’s knee would you shout and curse the child or try to comfort it? Why do we treat ourselves with such hate then? If someone compliments you, do you bat it back immediately, feeling uncomfortable? Do you reply to the compliment by downplaying yourself and saying it’s nothing? Would you do this to a child who achieves or does something good? If not, why do we do it to ourselves?
Its Us Doing It To Ourselves
I could go on with examples but I think you can see the point. Most of us who suffer from a hole in the soul harbour some form of self-hate or self-dislike and while we are harbouring this deadly character defect – just so will we be blocked from personal freedom, joy and success. It’s not the universe that’s doing it to us. It’s us doing it to ourselves. When the sun shines it shines on everyone regardless. We MUST start applying SELF-LOVE to replace the self-hate within us, it’s the only solution and it cannot happen unless we start doing it ourselves. As the nature of self-hate is SELF hate then it goes that only the SELF can remedy it. It does not matter how many other people shower us with love and affection, they will not be able to move the jagged stone in our guts put there by us.
Replacing Self-Hate With Self-Love
Learning to replace self-hate with self-love is an ongoing, and sometimes uncomfortable journey. It requires self-forgiveness and self-acceptance, the two ingredients self-haters solely lack when it comes to themselves. Letting go of the hate for oneself, the blame and the anger is a must if we want to experience personal freedom. We forgive ourselves for the perceived lack of who we were in the past and who we are in the present. We let go of our perfectionist attitude towards ourselves and others. Perfectionism always leads to failure. When we expect ourselves, unrealistically, to be perfect we will always fall short and create a sense of failure within us, and the same is true if we expect it from others. Disappointment with ourselves and others will follow us round all our lives. We have been, and we are, perfectly imperfect, the universe, God, Buddha or whatever has not judged us – it’s always been us that has judged and punished ourselves.
Mind Blowing & Simple 10 Minute Technique To Uncover Self Hate
Take 10 minutes out of your busy life. It will be the best 10 minutes you have ever spent. Get a pen and paper and ask yourself honestly what do you blame yourself for? It’s only you that will see the answers so be honest. Write them down. On my list I blamed myself for my dad leaving when I was just a kid. I blamed myself for not being as tough as some of the other kids and for being weak cause I cried. As the list grew I could clearly see how much resentment I had towards myself. I was shocked that I, myself, was hating and resenting me for being, well, just a normal frightened kid. Then in adulthood I saw I had the same attitude with broken relationships and not fulfilling expectations I had. Because I wasn’t some famous scientist with serious achievements I treated myself like a loser. Try this technique of self-discovery and see where you are in regards to blame and self-hate
Light Will Replace The Dark
Once you see how much you have been standing in your own way and holding yourself back in life, because of the personal disdain, a lot of the self-hate will start to leave. Replace it immediately with self-love, self encouragement and self-nurture as you would do a small child. Then as you practice this watch as the universe flows into the darkness and shines its energy into your soul. Self-love is a journey, not a destination. Practise it daily with yourself and you will start to experience more freedom and peace inside. Everything will benefit, your relationships, your work and the way you feel inside.