No one likes to admit they suffer from self pity, least of all myself. When under attack from this dark attitude we tend to dress it up as something greater making ourselves out to be helpless and poor victims of life, abandoned by God and rejected by the world.
I hate the negative / hard emotions and the bad stuff that happens in life but I love the sense of feeling ‘hard done to’ by life. Self pity allows me to reject any responsibility and essentially give life the middle finger. Under severe attacks of this self-destructive aspect of my personality I experience something like depression and withdraw from the world, work, my relationships and God. I hide under the duvet shutting the world and it’s woes firmly out. I used to do this with alcohol but that stopped working.
Self Pity Is Fatal
Self pity starts deep in the gut with a sense of growing despair and gloom and grows and grows to submerge the whole of our consciousness in negative self-involvement. Don’t underestimate this useless negative sense – IT KILLS! The No1 cause of suicide is self pity. I’m not judging anyone here, but underlying the material circumstance of lost fortunes, lost loved ones and seemingly insurmountable obstacles in life that cause some of us to take our life is… self pity. Not all suicides are caused by self pity but a great many are. This nasty trait has the power to kill us and even if it doesn’t take our physical lives it destroys our internal being.
While on the surface self pity offers a sense of rightness and justification, underneath it is eating our very soul. Like the drug addict suffering from the illusion that the drugs they are using are helping them escape their lives while the truth is that the drugs are actually making their lives worse and their problems more. Self pity is like this.
I have just caught this devious black defect rising up within me as my business is struggling and my mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse, I found myself feeling life is against me and that God has gone silent and abandoned me. And while it’s true that some life events are impacting on me, I had forgotten that my happiness and freedom comes from within. I had negated by inner being and attached my happiness to outside things – AGAIN! This is a constant trap for me personally and I only notice I have done this when things start to go south, and I end up going with them. I start feeling disparaged, disheartened and burdened. Spontaneity and any joy have vacated the premises, leaving an empty space inside again.
I personally have to admit that I LOVE A GOOD SELF PITY PARTY FOR ONE!
I get some perverse justification and sense of victimisation when I start replaying all the trials and tribulations of my life starting with my dysfunctional childhood. Self pity allows me to pass the buck when it comes to taking responsibility for my life. Under the influence of self pity my mind tells me that there is no chance of any happiness and joy while life is treating me so bad and that if you had my problems you would feel the same way. And the murky haze of this dark trait makes me forget that my happiness, joy and peace have absolutely nothing to do with the external world. They arise out of my connection with the goodness and love of the universe.
So what’s the solution?
Do I force things in the physical world to go my way? Do I shout and demand for the universe to make everything ok for me so I can feel good? Do I work even harder and try to earn more money? No! Regardless of what is happening in the material and physical world – I need to let go. I must go inside and start firing the furnace of gratitude again because I know when I feel grateful nothing can touch me. So, I meditate on gratitude in the morning for 10-15 minutes just being grateful for being alive, having a roof over my head and so on and hey presto I start feeling good again despite what’s happening in my life.